Apparently 'Cheesecake is Hard to Make' Doesn't Translate Well

PUMPKIN CHEESECAKE

Crust:
1 1/2 C graham cracker crumbs
1/4 C granulated sugar
1/3 C butter or margarine, melted

COMBINE graham cracker crumbs, sugar and butter in medium bowl. Press into bottom and 1 inch up side of 9-inch springform pan. Bake in preheated 350° oven for 6 to 8 minutes. Do not allow to brown. Remove from oven; cool.

Cheesecake:
3 pkgs cream cheese, softened
1 C granulated sugar
1/4 C brown sugar
1 3/4 C pumpkin
2 eggs
2/3 C (5-fl. oz. can) evaporated milk
2 Tbs cornstarch
1 1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg

BEAT cream cheese and sugars in larger mixer bowl until fluffy. Beat in pumpkin, eggs and evaporated milk. Add cornstarch, cinnamon and nutmeg; beat well. Pour into crust. BAKE in preheated 350° oven for 55 to 60 minutes or until edge is set.

Topping:
2 C (16 oz) sour cream at room temperature
1/4 to 1/3 C granulated sugar
1 tsp vanilla

COMBINE ingredients in small bowl. Spread over surface of warm cheesecake. Return to 350°oven and bake for 5 minutes. Cool on wire rack. Remove side of pan; chill several hours or overnight.

At least, that's what was supposed to have happened. But Hier ist Deustchland.
So I came home from school today expecting to make some cake from some boxes and, at the most difficult, a pumpkin pie. But Susanne handed me this recipe and said, Go for it. WHAT!

I just want to preface this by saying that I have never successfully made chocolate chip cookies in my life.

The first thing I did was call home, of course. Beth answered and told me that Mom and Dad were at the Hotel working and would be for a few hours. I did not find that acceptable. About 20 minutes later I was talking to Dad, who is perhaps not the resident cheesecake Master but hey, I wasn't in a position for being picky. So with my revisions in hand and my obstinance on full-force, we return to the kitchen.

The Crust

I don't know what she bought, but they were not graham crackers. Luckily they crumblified just fine under pressure, which is exactly what I gave them. Some melted margarine, some sugar, okay good. I was already thanking the Lord for inspiring me to give Erich English-style measuring cups and spoons as a welcome gift. 350°F is 175°C. I don't THINK I burnt it, but I haven't eaten the dratted thing yet. That's tomorrow....

The Middle Stuff

Not all cream cheese packages were created equal. Again a call to Beth to find out how much, exactly, that is. The stuff Susanne gave me was definitely not Philadelphia's Finest Cream Cheese, but I figured it was the equivalent so I just stuck it in there. In retrospect I know they have Philadelphia Cream Cheese here because I remember putting it on my brot a month ago, dang it. I'm pretty sure this was the kind of creamy cheese that comes with stuff in it. Like chives and such.
The mixer in this place is crazy - fast and scared me. Like, this thing's 1 setting is like Mom's mixer's 5 or 6 setting. Holy Baloney!
The thought of using pumpkin from a can was downright hilarious to Susanne. 'What, you mean like the ones that we have in the garden?' Well, not quite. Because those don't involve a can opener. The first one she brought in was kinda rotten inside, which was disgusting. The second one didn't even make it in. Lucky for me, the third one was just fine. Then I realized I had absolutely no clue what to do with the thing.
So I called Dad again.
Then I went back in, scooped out the icky stuff like a pro, cut out a huge chunk out of the side (without even making a face in the thing, I know, I'm an awful American), cut off the outside, diced what I had left, and threw it in some simmering water. I got myself some simmering water, by the way, by putting some water in this Wasserkocher thing and pushing the little button. In less than a minute I had 1L of boiling water. It's Magic!!! To be totally honest, the thing scares me to death. But hot water is hot water, and pumpkins are pumpkins.
And smashing pumpkins is much, much easier than that band makes it sound. I did it to what I thought was rather satisfactory smashed-ness but was, in fact, not.
After putting the pumpkin, eggs, and evaporated milk in the sugar-chipdip stuff I noticed strainy little pumpkin things in there that I certainly would not want to show up in my cheesecake. So, like the resourceful girl I am, I strained the dratted thing. And there was a LOT of extra pumpkiny crud in there. And I know a REALLY good girl would have found a way to beat the stuff to a bloody pulp and then chuck it back in, but I did not. I just tossed it and hoped the ESSENCE of pumpkin would be enough.
Please do keep in mind that it had been over an hour, almost two, at this point, I had had only a sausage-cheese-sandwich thing and some bubbly apple juice for lunch, and Lukas was playing soccer with himself whenever he wasn't hovering. So forgive my lack of pumpkinness.

Also, I was blasting König der Löwen - The Lion King in German - which was keeping me from causing Lukas pain and keeping my vocal chords mostly occupied, but was still kind of distracting. You know how that is.

Susanne had left for a council meeting of some sort, and had left it up to me to see that Lukas didn't starve. Which is really putting more faith in me than I think is really called for. It was about 7, so I asked Lukas,
'Hast du Hunger?' - which means exactly what you think it does -
To which is replied, 'Ja.'
'Was möchtest du essen?' - What would you like to eat? -
'Nudeln.'
Oh, thank you. That's something I can do. But first, now that he knew the food was coming, let's get these last few ingredients in there and get this baby baking!

Roadblock. (Surprised?)
I couldn't find the measuring spoons that I had given Erich. Nowhere. And I SEARCHED, I tell you, I searched! There was also some random frustrated squealing noises in there. If you have ever been near me while I am
1) Doing math homework
2) Doing any kind of homework
3) Waiting longer than I find necessary for a computer download
4) Trying to read a map and drive simultaneously
5) Unable to read my own Music Theory workbook
6) Doing anything that involves the possibility of me becoming frustrated
7) COOKING,
Then you know exactly what this noise sounds like.
So I left the mess of whatever to sit and called Lukas over to ask him what kind of noodles he wanted. He picked some, I don't know what kind, and I did the crazy boiling water thing again (still making me jump) and fought with Lukas over the proper procedure for starting the gas stove. He was all for just pushing down the thing that causes flame and then setting a basket on it. I was all for doing the thing where you let go of them at the same time so that the fire stays there all on its own.
I won.

Before the noodles were finished Susanne came home. I asked her where my teaspoon and tablespoon were. She smiled and pointed at the little spoon lying in front of me.
Yes, I know that technically that is a teaspoon, and the big ones are tablespoons, but I am not my father. The recipe calls for a teaspoon and a fourth, so that's what it is going to get!

I figured I had done quite enough deviation at this point: I'm sure you agree.

Unfortunately we were all unsuccessful at finding them, so I threw in three literal table spoons full of flour. What? Flour? Well, yes. Apparently there is no cornstarch in Germany, which I tend to doubt, but I was not invited to the grocery store and I don't speak German anyway. So Dad and I had decided on flour, and a bit more. Susanne threw in a suggestion for some other corn thing that I don't know about, which caused another call home. This time I actually got my mother, which was not only extremely helpful but good for my nerves. Apparently she was very proud of me for getting even this far.

'Mom, I can't make a cheesecake!'
'Don't worry, I know.'
Gee, thanks Mom.

So I gritted my teeth and just eyeballed the rest, poured it on my crust that I am unsure about, and threw the thing in the dratted oven. Then I went downstairs to veg on the computer for 45 minutes, which I did with vigor.
Fifteen minutes of constantly checking the thing that I have now named George in memory of some other slightly orange thing that was rather annoying, and then I called it done and let it sit. Susanne said to remember to do the topping in the morning, I said fine excellent good night, and went back to vegging my poor brain.

The Top Stuff

About a half an hour ago I realized the recipe says to put on the topping, and THEN let it sit overnight.
So when Susanne came in recently to talk about the topping again, and something else I don't remember, I told her maybe we can just not do it.
'Well it looked rather easy, if you don't do it I just will.'
Which was kinda annoying in a 'I'm not actually listening' kind of way but hey whatever, I guess we're putting a topping on the thing. George, that is.

Phew.

I wonder how this George thing is gonna taste.

Yes, I took pictures.... Forthcoming.